Letter to Daddy

Dear Heavenly Daddy,

Halleluiah! How tender is Your everlasting love! I praise You for the magnificent experience at Encounter Weekend!

Daddy, do you remember on the first night, I traipsed into the Magic Box with a heavy heart. It had been a tremendously long and draining week. Were you disappointed with me, Father? I was burdened and my heart had closed its gates to You.

The crossing.
The sheet of sins was stained.
Where was the pure and white sheet?
Disappear, ugly sins!
But... what can I do?
Who can save me?

As I prepared to go to bed, flashes of a past dream came flooding back. It was a dream that I lacked the courage to mention to anyone until very recently. Lord, You said that I will not enter Heaven even though I was already saved. Was it You, Father? Was it? I dwelled on it. However, that night, I dreamt that I was running after You twice. What did it mean, Lord?

Father, forgive me for not being receptive towards You. Instead of encountering you, I spent most of the time fighting that evil voice in my head on Saturday. That voice told me that You will reject me. That voice told me that You have forgotten me. That voice told me to go home, that this was not the place I was meant to be in. Ridiculous! That voice kept intruding into my private, intimate time with You Father and I had difficulties concentrating. I was so desperate to draw near to You, Lord. I scribbled letters after letters furiously in my prayer journal, hoping that You would hear me. I earnestly prayed that You would make Your appearance. Everyone was crying because of the Holy Spirit; I was crying because I could not encounter you. I wanted to slap myself for being so cowardly, for being so faithless. I wanted to throw my rock-hard heart out of the window so desperately that I kept thinking of a marshmallow in an attempt to soften my heart. Why was there a barrier between You and me?

I want you, Lord, I want you!!

I started to doubt. I doubted Your sovereignty and I questioned Your existence. Forgive me for my ignorance and my lack of faith! At the Ministry of the cross, I prayed hard that I will conquer anything that will come my way. I sang louder and louder, albeit off key, hoping that my voice would be able to muffle any negative thoughts racing wildly through my head. As we viewed the Passion of the Christ video clip, You spoke to me and the revelation of the cross came crashing down.

It was then that I realised that I believe. Yet, it was not enough for You, Lord. You wanted me to believe even more sincerely. That was what You wanted me to learn. Father, You wanted to enlarge my faith! You wanted me to let go, to trust you and to lean on You completely. I thought that I was guarded only towards the people around me but I ended up hiding from You. I must have hurt You deeply! I’m so sorry… Forgive me, Father! Lord, I finally understood the dream. You wanted me to run after you forever. With your power and blessings, no one can obstruct our relationship. You desired my trust and my faith. I will give it to You! Gone were those thoughts I was struggling with the whole day. Adieu Satan.

I was there at the crucifixion.
There, I saw, the sheets of sins.
Smeared with angry, black streaks.
Pinned tightly to the cross.

Daddy, You were gracious enough to enter my dreams again that night. I was echoing something that You told me to tell my people (which I cannot recall what it was). I obediently obeyed till I whispered something to You and You replied, “Yes, my child”.

Silence.

“What do you mean, Father? Are You listening to me? Will You listen to me?”

“Yes, my child, of course I will listen to you.”

Astonished. I did not expect my Heavenly Daddy to listen to me. I have long forgotten the real meaning of prayer. Perhaps, it was because of the distractions that plagued my recent prayers. Perhaps, prayer was yet another daily chore to me. Perhaps, my prayer was a hollow vase without a drop of passion. I had forgotten that I was talking to God. I was just chanting out my daily report to any spirits around me who would hear. Yes, Father, You reassured me that You will always be here and You will listen to me. Daddy, You encouraged me and gave me a new perspective and dimension of prayer.

You made sparks of joy explode within me. I woke up with a grin a mile long.

The blood of the Holy Lamb dripped,
Trickling down the sheet.
Forgiven, cleansed, transformed.
A clean and pure white paper shone from afar.

I was baptized and touched by the Holy Spirit. Initially, I resisted and I blanched with fear at the sight of people shaking, shrieking and writhing on the ground. The moment my guide, Samantha, started to pray for me, I switched from singing “Come Holy Spirit, fall on me now” to “Stop, stop, stop! Don’t come!” Doubting my ability to receive the gift of tongues, You proved me wrong when my lips trembled and came to life on their own. Yet, I bit my lips to deter the path of the Holy Spirit. Father, You were merciful and You comforted me. You assured me of your presence. You were there. I fell. Immersing in the sweet presence of you, Heavenly Daddy, I felt so small beside You. You reminded me of how almighty You are. You filled me with the zeal and hunger to yearn for you even more and more.

Colours of hope, joy, wisdom and peace
The Lord awaits to paint my life.
Oh, the mighty cross.

Subconsciously, I have laid down most of my burdens at the foot of the cross. Angels of joy fluttered around me as I pranced out of Sentosa, carefree and radiant! I was thirsting for more, More, MORE! Come on, Father! Tell the world to challenge me! I will show them what my Daddy is capable of! Heavenly Daddy, I love you sooo much! =) I pray that my flame of passion for You and You alone will NEVER extinguish! I will keep my eyes on You till the end of time and I will shine for you always! Thank you for rejuvenating me! Thank you for loving me! Thank you!!

Amen! Amen!!

Love,
your daughter,
Yafen
Meijin’s 12

What Would You Do?

To know of the allure of the world is one thing. To truly experience the temptation at the tip of your fingers, just within your grasp such that you could just toe the line into an alternative life is another matter altogether. That brings you to an enlightenment of the world you live in. The fact that the temptation to let the world embrace you in its deceptively welcoming arms seems so inviting is a sign of how intoxicating the world can be, if only you let it seep into your veins, just enough, slowly, bit by bit everyday. So what keeps us at this end of the spectrum- where we do not become so proud as to say we are perfect but secretly celebrate at the fact that we are not simmering in a pot of pungent sin? Well, maybe we are. But even so, a choice still remains to persist or abandon that way of life.

What I’ve realized is this- we really have freedom of choice. There will always be that voice that shouts and screams at you to take the path you should because we have the Holy Spirit in our lives, thankfully. However, there will always also be the option to shut out that voice and let the other in. Afterall, the other voice is the one we enjoy and find comfort in at times. It finds a way to be gentle, subtle and yet employing the best moments to plant little seeds of thoughts. We let that voice laced with butter tell us that we are not wrong. We let it tell us that our choices are neither disastrous nor misguided but simply a matter of preference. We let that voice coax us into submission to see that what we want must be more important than what people tell us is right. Afterall, it is our lives and we only live once.

Choices, choices, choices. So when it comes to crunch time, what choices will you make? How do we make the difficult choices even when the right one stares at you with neon eyes? On one hand we have those who present you with pious notions of just “doing what you know is the right thing”- easier said than done. On the other hand, we have those whose opinions you don’t value because their beliefs are different- inconsequential advice. So now what? Any knowledge has to partner the willingness in the heart to make a final decision in order for you know where you really stand. So, neither the voices in your head or from people around you will help you make the decision at hand. It all really boils down to you. You might not be blessed with great spiderman-like abilities but you have free will. Freedom also comes with great responsibility.

While we whine when we don’t have the freedom, we find ourselves incapable of making wise decisions with freedom we possess. Alas, this free-will business is a tricky thing. I figured this out: God gave those who know Him the knowledge that we have free will. Therefore, it is only reasonable that as we first chose to follow Him, we must now learn to use free will wisely.

I find myself incapable of joining the bandwagon of the more pious by concluding understatedly that “we just need to do the right thing”, completely eliminating the emotions that come with the package of the world so I am going to pen just a few thoughts. These thoughts to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ are: You know you have free will; you know that your decision ultimately is really yours. There is a sense of great power in that knowledge but it would be wise to remember that that power can build you up or tear you down.

In making the tough decisions, some may find solace in prayer and sharing, some may find clarity in self-meditation and reflection while others might find time alone reassuring. Whatever it is, remember the responsibility which you were given with free will. It is not just the non-Christians that have it in deciding their faith. Free will is ours as long as we walk this life’s journey. We need to be thankful for it, never renouncing our God through whatever fork roads we face. We need to ask our infinitely wiser God to accompany us through those times of tough choices. That, I believe, is neither a pious notion nor mere advice but a reminder that by our strength alone, we are incapable of finding the answers we so desire or discovering within ourselves true willingness partnered by faith to make the right choices.

Written by:
Jerrine Chia
Pastor Fei Fei’s 12

We Are The Gideons Of Today

The G12 Conference was a wealth of revelations for all who attended. The degree of energy one felt at the Conference was breathlessly intoxicating. With the attendance numbering in the thousands, it was truly a day of worship, deliverance and anointing. Not only was the presence of God at the Max Pavilion electrifying, but also nothing truly prepared me for the tsunami of emotions I felt on the third and only day I attended the Conference.

The sermons delivered by the pastors on the third day indeed opened my eyes and ears to the biblical knowledge that God wants to impart to us. However, what struck me most on that day was Pastor Art’s reminder that we are the Gideons of today.

In Judges 6:1-10, we know that the Israelites worshipped false Gods and hence suffered at the hands of the Midianites when they lost God’s favour. When they cried out to the Lord for help, God sent a messenger to Gideon, a young and idealistic Israelite. “When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, The Lord is with you, mighty warrior” (Judges 6:12). Beset by sin and moral indignity, we were rescued when Jesus redeemed us with His blood and made us into warriors of Christ. God has thus made us powerful to reach out to the powerless. However, He also reminded me of an incident that occurred to me early last year.

As a full-time national serviceman, I am a combat engineer by vocation. A few days after the Boxing Day Tsunami struck, I got a call from my sergeant asking for volunteers to go to Aceh. Fearing inconveniences and my parents’ objection to it, I refused the offer. However, the Lord never allowed me to forget the suffering of thousands in a faraway land while I lived in oblivion and luxury. Day after day, I saw the pictures and testimonials of that ghastly disaster in the papers and on one particular day, I was overwhelmed by it all and broke down in tears. The Lord said to me when I prayed that night, “Why are you still holding back? Go”.

Two weeks later, there was another call for volunteers to go with the third wave and I volunteered myself with little deliberation although I knew that there was no way I could withdraw my name. However, the third wave never materialized when the Indonesian government put a moratorium on SAF troop deployment in Aceh.

Although I didn’t go, I knew that the moment I volunteered, I was already justified in the eyes of the Lord. The burden and regret of not responding to the initial call had been removed like a heavy load off my chest but when I submitted my name, I had already made a promise to God that I will move out of my comfort zone and go into the nations to serve. This year, I will fulfill that promise by going on at least one mission trip overseas. To borrow a quote from Pastor Art, “It takes a dream to wake up your faith and takes faith to reach your dreams”.

Many times, we have forgotten the pain of the multitudes. There are people out there whose lives need God’s grace and miracles. God made us mighty in the valor so we may become Gideons to reach out to these people. He sees us as his champions. Each and every one of us has a calling and purpose in His Kingdom.

Love is the only thing that makes us want to move from where we are to where we need to go. At the G12 Conference, God pried away the scaffoldings of our lives to reveal our vulnerabilities beneath our daily comforts and told us to go all out to serve. If we truly love the people out there, we must be prepared to make the necessary sacrifices. The question is: Are we willing to believe in the Lord who believes in us?

Written by:
Kenny Tan
Joshua’s 12

God's Purpose For Me

The G12 Conference just ended last week yet whatever God spoke to me in the Conference remains deeply embedded in my mind. The words spoken to me were so strong that after the Conference, I am so determined to reach out to my friends.

As I was listening attentively to the pastors preaching during the Conference, God brought me to Psalm 139:15:

“My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.”

God knew my destiny even before I was born. From the very first moment I came into this earth until now, God has shown me clearly what His plan for me is and that is to reach out to people and save as many souls as possible. It is not an accident that God put me in an army camp to train me to be more sociable and open-minded and it is not an accident that I was not promoted during my national service days as God wanted me to learn about humility which is lacking in some of my friends who were promoted.

Certainly, it is no coincidence that I have to go to Australia to study, as God wants me to conquer Australia for Him. After so much that God has spoken to me, He brought me back to the basics and that is to have a compassionate heart for my friends and reach out to them. One of my brothers-in-Christ once told me that one reason why we are still living on this earth and not yet in Heaven with God is because He wants us to reach out to the lost souls out there.

Wouldn’t it be great to see our friends together with us in Heaven next time?

Written by:
Andrew Khong
Alvin Lim’s 12

Hear Me Roar!

Each year the G12 Conference brings something new: A new spirit, a new anointing and a new measure of faith. I remember the first conference I went to, I learnt to applaud FCBC’s spiritual father, Apostle Khong. From the foreign delegates, I saw what it meant to praise and worship God with your all, which includes your whole physical being; dancing and lifting up joyous cries before Him. Each of these outward expressions represented also a decision made; choosing to give thanks and affirm my leader, choosing to worship with my all. And in making the decision, we choose to be single-minded; turning away from doubts and unbelief. Therefore, each of the new actions I learn to do at each year’s G12 have also come to represent for me, a new blessing and anointing from the Lord.

This year, I learnt to cry out before the Lord, to let out a shout of victory and conquest. I never really felt comfortable shouting before the Lord before and I think I’m not the only one. Maybe it’s a Singaporean thing. I see that many of us in church would much rather give a sound of praise by clapping before the Lord. And perhaps for some of us ladies, it would seem most undignified to be letting out a whooping shout of war-cry. But in this conference, I just let myself go. And the experience was liberating! It was like, God, if crying out like this is a proclamation of Your victory and a declaration of war on all that oppresses and binds me, then boy, oh boy am I gonna roar! And as I lifted my voice, I had to choose to put aside my fear, my unbelief and all those negative thoughts just as by faith the shouts were dispelling the oppression. I had to say, Lord, I believe. I put my faith in You.

But before I could arise to conquer, God had to remove the sense of emptiness and deadness that was in my heart. Just as what Pastor Art had shared on that Sunday, before we can wake somebody up, we ourselves must first be awakened (Isaiah 52: 1-3). God knew the cry of my heart. I needed hope, I needed strength, I needed joy and I needed to fall in love with God again. There was a sense of deadness in my heart that I could not even long for God. I knew I could not go on without a fresh touch from Him. I responded to Pastor Khong’s ministry call after Pastor Art’s sermon and went forward. And as I knelt and just poured out what was within my heart to God, I began to long for God and desire His presence once again. The thought of not having His presence with me was unbearable. (Ps 28:1) God had revived my heart.

God revived my heart and renewed my mind in the conference. He also released a new level of faith in my spirit. We have a rich heritage of faith in Pastor Cesar and Pastor Claudia Castellanos. There was such power in their words that I sense a resonance in my spirit when they spoke. Pastor Claudia spoke of redeeming arenas outside the church for the purpose of making an impact and influencing the society. We need to fill that gap in areas such as the media, the arts, politics and etc. We have to move out of our comfort zone. The order for battle has been issued. If we do not move forth to conquer, the war will still come to us. She encouraged us to ask the Holy Spirit to ignite a new project in our life.

I have been asking God to give me a dream and to show me His direction in work. I don’t want to be mediocre. I don’t want to go through life lost and purposeless. Lord, what do you want me to do? I believe God has begun placing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle into my hands even during the G12 conference. Though I do not know yet the picture that will be formed when the puzzle is pieced together, there is enough light to see the next step He wants me to take to begin a journey of adventure with Him. I asked God how can I respond; what are the practical steps He wants me to do?

For starters, I am giving God 3 “yes”. The first challenge being that I want to win 12 in 3 months, which is no mean feat for me. The second being agreeing to give money to a Chinese national for dinner although I doubt the story she told me is true. But as my Daddy said, if they are desperate enough to ask a stranger, there must be a need. The third one is yet to be known. I also want to write more. This is really an exploration of feeling in my next step in the area of career. I do not know where it will lead to but I am seeking God and depending on Him to reveal more along the way. Already, my boss is asking me if I want to do research writing at work. I pray that God will continue to guide and speak to me.
It is an exhilarating ride ahead, which can be a pretty hair-raising experience for someone like me who is not inclined towards the thrills of rides such as that of a roller coaster. But I sayed yes to God who has called on us to be strong and courageous (Joshua 1: 6) for He has not given us a spirit of timidity but a Spirit of son ship. And the Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God (Romans 8: 15, 16). If my Father is going to be holding my hand throughout the ride, I think I will have no problems developing a healthy appetite for excitement.

Written by :
Amanda Quek Wei Ling
Pastor Fei Fei's 12

G12 Conference Day 1 - My Reflections

While getting ready for the first day of the G12 Conference at EXPO, I recalled last year’s Conference where we dreamt a New Dream - a dream to serve the nations.

Looking back at 2005, we have seen harvests from the fields of the nations where many have served in, especially during the turbulent times in the aftermath of the Tsunami. Also, there are an ever-increasing number of lives that are being transformed through the G12 vision.

That is why we are ‘Celebrating the Nations’ this year because we want to rejoice in His glorious work throughout the world.

The 5th International G12 Conference 2006 was kicked off to an invigorating start with Pastor Lawrence Khong’s message on ‘Celebrating the Nations’. Listening to the familiar “3 Keys to Fruitfulness” (it was the same message delivered during service for the previous week) made me recall of something I had read somewhere. It says, “A Life without Love is a life without God, for God is Love!” I guess it pretty much applies to the other two keys, which are ‘faith’ and ‘love’.

Besides celebrating the nations, we also claim this year to be a year of great conquests as God’s people! I like to invoke this “victory” prayer every morning because it reminds me of the new covenant that we have with Jesus and it gives you that ‘whoosh!’ feeling - well it sure works for me, do give it a try!

John 1:7
“By the blood of Jesus, ALL of my sins have been forgiven! I have been redeemed and rescued from the power of the enemy. Satan, you have NO power in my life because I have been moved to the kingdom of God!”
…

2 Corinthians 5:21
“God sees me as I have never sinned because I’m justified by Jesus’ blood!”
…

Hebrews 12:24
“By the blood of Jesus, I’m sanctified and separated for God!”

“In Jesus name, Amen!”

Written by:

Pamelia Soh
Pastor Fei Fei’s 12

Prepare for Conquest

The G12 Conference was a call to conquer. Today, God spoke to me in an article that reminded me that all of us need to PREPARE for conquest.

"..there are some people out here who are really great guys, great athletes but they are never able to win a race. You know I was afraid of being one of them - to always be strong, to always do good, but never win a race." - Faris Al Sultan, World Ironman* Champion 2005

As I sipped evening coffee and read the account, I was reminded of the verse in 1 Corinthian 9:24 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."

Am I always being strong and good, but not finishing well?

I am not called to be a "show" of strength. I am called to win. Be it winning the battle against financial difficulties, against family issues, against spiritual strongholds or winning souls, I am called to win.

I love to race in triathlons, and I dream of finishing an Ironman triathlon before 30. In triathlon training, I push myself in speed work, varing the training tempo to strengthen my legs. I discipline my strides and paddling cycles to be more power efficient, training my body posture to be more aerodynamic as well as conditioning my lung capacity and rhythm to be in sync. Many a times, when I train, I go into what professional athletes call "the zone", meaning your body, mind and soul are focused to maintain a certain tempo and intensity till completion.

When it comes to conquering my arenas of life and winning souls, am I in "the zone"?

To win, start adopting a competitive posture, not a casual one.

*Ironman is the world's longest and most featured triathlon.

Written by:

Joshua Kwah
Ps Lawrence's 12

Mourning The Death Of A Son

William Shakespeare once wrote “And, when he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of Heaven so fine, that all the world will be in love with night, and pay no worship to the garish sun”.

What is death? Just a week ago, I was at Eugene’s father’s cremation. It was an emotional and somber morning and no words can simply express the grief experienced by Eugene and his mother. Having to tend to his father’s wake since last Friday was certainly a heart-wrenching roller-coaster period for Eugene and his loss is insurmountable. But Eugene isn’t alone in his grief because he has friends and family to support him and his friends from church who are always with him in spirit. It was a Christian wake befitting for Eugene’s father who accepted Christ and was baptized in his dying days. No doubt, we will depart this world one way or another but death gives us sleep, eternal youth, and immortality. I know for one that Eugene’s Dad is with the angels of heaven who rejoiced in the birth of a new son.

I could tell that despite his grief, Eugene was touched by the events of the past week. Although I only met Eugene for the first time at the wake, I wanted to tell him that the best we can remember of our departed loved ones is their love for us. In a world brazen with desires of the flesh and temporal materialism, love is a word we have often taken for granted. We have loved only with the words that come from our mouths but not with our hearts. Eugene’s father was a family man and his loved ones will remember him as a loving father and a doting husband. No one will remember him for his bank accounts nor his personal achievements.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, we know that love is never self-seeking. It protects, trusts, hopes and always perseveres. Love is an enduring legacy that surpasses in magnitude all worldly legacies. How do we want to be remembered when we pass away?

Written by:
Kenny Tan
Joshua's 12

March Livingstones 288 Meeting

It was on the night of the 25th of February. As the evening sky darkened and gave way to a silent darkness that assumed its nocturnal vigil, members of the Livingstones family converged at Magic Box at Touch Community Theatre. Most people would choose to spend the night by thronging the streets with their friends, watching movies or even partying. For Livingstones 288, we chose to celebrate as gratified servants of Christ. What better way to end the month than a network gathering? A celebration as a network, a tribe and a family.



The celebration began with a cordial session of ice-breaking. The games played were designed to encourage interaction between members of the different cell groups. With the boisterous Quanwei commanding the microphone as the emcee, the once-awkward atmosphere was given a much-needed injection of youth vibrancy and laughter. Boys and girls embraced this light-heartedness by soaking themselves in the lunacy of the games.


The ice-breaking session was followed by worship led by Ezra and his team of talented musicians – all fellow Livingstones members. As Jerrine and Josh took to the microphones and crooned familiar songs exulting The Lord, the band played with much zest and gusto. All the while, the crowd jumped to the beat of the drums, clapped their hands in unison and sang with one united voice. After all, God wants to see His people sing and dance for Him. With all of our enthusiasm and energy, Livingstones certainly did not disappoint that night.



With the music gradually reducing to a whisper, Pastor Lawrence Tan shared the Word with the family. One of the most important verses he shared that night was Matthew 18:19-20 “Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them”. We were reminded of the need to celebrate as a family because when we gather in numbers, there is power and strength to do God’s will. We were encouraged to “not give up meeting together” (Hebrews 10:25) and to “always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:20).


Pastor went on to challenge members of Livingstones to be involved with the network ministry, whether it is serving with the Young Arrows, playing for the network soccer, basketball or netball leagues or volunteering with the band. The response to the challenge was overwhelming as many signed up with the respective activity groups.

The night slowed to a crawl as we rounded up the celebration by splitting into our own cell groups for prayer.



As we stepped out of Magic Box that night, exhausted but at the same time spiritually rejuvenated by the celebration, we could not help for wonder what the next Livingstones 288 gathering on the 1st of April will have in store for us.



Written by:
Kenny Tan
Joshua's 12