Re-Dedicating My Life to God

Mere words cannot describe the relationship I have with God and his awesome love for us.

My siblings, two brothers and two sisters, are now children of God, Hallelujah! But we once faced persecution by our non-believing parents. My Mum is a strong Buddhist and she has forcibly disapproved of us becoming Christians. She would do things like telling us to get out of the house or take a chopper to scare us or not acknowledging us as her children. But Praise God for her heart to soften for she approved not just of our religion but our relationship with GOD. We were able to become better children for her and for the Lord.

But during a period of time, I was not truly devoted to God. I did not attend church services or read God’s Word. My Bible was left beside my bed for so long until a thick layer of dust covered it. I went astray, started mixing with the wrong company and my life degenerated into sinful ways. To make matters worse, I tried to replace Jesus with girls who I tend to “love”. I wasn’t close to my family due to the age gap between me and my siblings and that they are always absent from home due to their work commitments. There were also a lot of family problems, which further alienated me from them. I was like a lost sheep without God’s guidance, going astray even further, feeling empty inside and life too meaningless to live on. I have always believed that in this world, we must all be loved by someone, otherwise it will be like living alone in a cold, dark and empty room. Thus I always committed myself into meaningless boy-girl relationships but so did my pain and sin which worsened.

I remembered that one of the relationships brought me so much sorrow and trouble that there were times I would engage in self-mutilation. I felt that it was something that could help me overcome the loneliness, emptiness and pain in my heart but I was wrong. I got into more trouble. I had to go for counseling, my friends thought I was crazy and subsequently, the girl I liked left me. I felt all alone. I felt that I was unable to express feelings that I kept in my heart. But still I did not seek God. I remembered the times I will just cry asking him why my life is going on in this fashion. However, He did not answer me. At that point, I did not bother if I would go to heaven or to hell. Neither did I care for Jesus nor anything about my life. I reckoned that why should I when I feel that no one cared about me?

During my days as a secondary 2 student, I met a girl whom I fell in love with. She was a non-Christian who was pessimistic and always had “dark” thoughts. She thought of her life as full of sorrow, that she would rather hate than love and die rather than live. She brought a lot of pain to the people around her and unsurprisingly, she did not have a lot of friends. However, I was amongst her closest friends. But even with all those unattractive characteristics, my feelings for her grew for I wanted to be the one to make her smile and never to cry. I wanted to sacrifice my all for her. I was patient for around three years until I confessed my feelings for her and we became attached. At that point I should be thanking God but I didn’t. I thought that we could have a chance to be happy together without Jesus in our lives.

Sadly, I could not be more wrong. We had unresolved conflicts and she often went out with other guys. We often had this “cold war” between us. Once again, my heart felt devoid of love. I asked myself if I had sacrificed so much for nothing. Why do I want to be with her so much? Then, the Holy Spirit spoke to me, “Go to your brother.” I approached Josh and I started sharing with him my problems. He made me realise that the very reason I had sacrificed so much was not for her or to see her smile but because I feared losing her. I also realized that the reason why I wanted to be with her so much was because I wanted her to be my meaning in this world. After a while, our relationship ended as guilt flooded my life for I swore previously that I would not make her cry but still I did. I hated myself and I felt more lost than ever. I felt that I was reverting to my past nature.

I went back home and picked up my Bible when for the second time, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, “Jesus’ love for you is everlasting for his relationship with you will never end. He died for u because He loves you. Fill your heart with His love and your heart will never be void again.” I was stunned and ashamed and I started crying and weeping. How could I have forgotten how much He loves us? Why should I be living for others when I should have lived for someone who has already died for me? Jesus loves me so much that He sacrificed His life. On that day, I confessed my sins to him and begged for his forgiveness. I prayed to him, asking him to make me a warrior like David, worthy of His name whom He would proudly proclaim to, “Sky, My son whom I am so proud of”.

From that day onwards, I have never looked back since. With this in mind, I would like to encourage my fellow brothers and sisters with these two verses from the Bible.

John 3:16
“For GOD so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Hebrews 13:5-6
“Because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you”. So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

Written by:
Sky Kwah
Joshua’s 12