Overcoming the Fears in My Life

Greetings to all my spiritual brothers and sisters,

I would simply love to share about what God has been doing in my life recently. During my past studying years, I’ve always had high expectations in whatever I did, especially excelling in my exams and projects. Ever since I adopted such an ambitious nature, my whole life has been full of insecurities, stress and fearfulness. I’ve always wanted to outshine others in everything and I could not accept any form of failures. When I could not achieve what I expected, I would blame myself for being so dumb and useless. Sometimes it got so intense that I ended up in tears. When I started studying again for a part-time degree, I still could not overcome my fears and weariness until God led me to the right path.

It all started after the G12 conference. Despite having an exam on Monday, 20th March, I was encouraged to take a step of faith to attend the three-day Conference including Sunday service. Thus, I did not have enough time to focus on my revision at all. I was worried sick and started desperately praying to God for wisdom and confidence. After the paper, I was confident that I would pass and I thanked God for it.

On the week of Good Friday, the results were released and most of my classmates got either a grade D or C and so I also expected to pass too. When I logged in to check, the system actually stated an “F” grade for my results. I was pretty shocked at first and thought that it must either be a joke or a system error. Thus I tried to log in and out a few times again but it still reflected the same grade. This time, I was really at lost and devastated. Disappointed and depressed, I really felt like tearing myself apart. As anger crept into me, I felt cheated by God at that point of time. I asked God, “Why did you allow this to happen to me? What did I do to deserve such results? I struggled throughout between my thoughts and God for some period of time during the week. Ivy was quite worried about me when I did not reply to her messages despite her concern.

At the same time, I was also working on the Easter card designs for our Good Friday Harvest and I simply lost my mood to continue. Eventually, I still managed to finish the two card designs for Ivy but without the excitement for God. I kept trying to reject the negative thoughts and to focus on praying about it until God spoke to me in an email. This is the email, which God has spoken to me about:

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Does God Care When You Suffer? - The Problem of Suffering

On my shelf is a little book that asks a big question. It is titled: Does God Care When We Suffer? And it was written by Randy Becton who is a good friend and a cancer survivor who has spent much of his life ministering to people with terminal illnesses. Randy writes:

Of the hard "why" questions, "why is there suffering?" may be the hardest. This is probably because it not attacks us personally, but also because whenever the question is raised, the question of God's part in suffering follows close behind. We are desperate for the meaning behind all of this. We are always seeking someone to blame or deliver us, and that always leads to our view of God.

Does God care when we suffer? Of course he does.

Then why doesn't He do something about it? He did. Becton sums it up this way:

The answer is the cross of Jesus Christ. From now on, all human suffering must be understood in the light of His suffering; it is the source of meaning, hope, and new life for sufferers. When someone cries out, "He doesn't care. He's immune to pain," they are brought to the foot of the cross to see for themselves. The cross and resurrection hold the key to the mystery of suffering.

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While reading this email message, I felt the presence of God communicating with me. God spoke to me about His plans for me and He actually wanted me to conquer my fears. It was really a tough experience that I had managed to overcome but with God’s strength, it was made easier. Deep in my heart, I know that I’m still not completely healed and God wants me to purify myself completely. Never before had I felt so much peace, assurance and comfort. With God watching over me, I know that I'm never alone and with courage, I decided to retake my exam again. Thank God that at least I had the opportunity to retake the exam and not repeat the whole module again. Thank God for my spiritual mother, Ivy, who has always been there for me, providing me with so much love, care, motivation and encouragement. Praise be to God!

I would like to encourage everyone out there that don’t be afraid when you have failures. It is a learning process that makes us grow stronger as God has His ultimate plans for us. Remember that nothing is impossible with God for He loves all of us and will not forsake us in times of need. I believe that God is always constantly building us up to be great and mighty men and women of God in His Kingdom. Most importantly, always set our priorities right in whatever we do! With this, I would love to encourage you all with a Bible verse familiar to me:

“Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will give us later.” - Romans 8:18

Written by: Sabrina Ang
Ivy’s 12