May 27th Network Prayer Meeting

I entered the chapel on the night of the Livingstones Prayer Meeting with much excitement as I thought of the time I get to spend with my spiritual family. However, I did not have much expectations of what is going to happen spiritually.

We started off with worship as usual but it was an impromptu worship without the convenience of the lyrics being flashed on the screen. Some might feel insecure with the new situation and personally, I felt quite distracted too. I was not able to focus on God and to worship Him with my utmost attention. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to give me a new touch and to remove all distractions. Although I sensed the prompting to kneel before God, I hesitated because of my self-consciousness. I felt puzzled initially because I thought that I had overcome this issue of expressing myself freely before God some time ago. Later on, I realized that it was another barrier to stop me from focusing on God. When I finally took the courage to kneel before God, I just couldn't stop crying because the presence of the Holy Spirit was so strong.

This meeting reminded me again that worship is not just about the lyrics and music but also about catching the Spirit. Simply put, like what Matt Redman wanted to emphasize when he wrote the song "Heart of Worship", the heart of worship is about Jesus, about our Father who loves us beyond measure and hence sacrificed His one and only son to die for us. When we are before our Father, we do not have to pretend to be someone we are not. We do not have to worry about what other people might think of us. We can be ourselves and we can be the true selves He created us to be: the true selves He loves.

And Psalm 42 was shared:
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night. While men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.”

This psalm came at the right time. I was tired mentally after battling with myself for so long. I couldn't rise up to my own expectations and couldn't find the joy I used to have anymore. I felt so helpless, rejected and hurt. The more I tried to handle things on my own, the more problems I encountered and I thought that I could bear it no longer. But God is good. The sharing of this psalm and the song "When God Ran " ministered to me so deeply.

*When God Ran*

Almighty God, the great I am
Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome lord
Victorious warrior commanding kind of kings, mighty conqueror

And the only time, the only time I ever saw Him run
Is when He ran to me, took me in his arms
Held my head to his chest, said my son's come home again
Looked at my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in his voice he said son, do you know I still love you
It caught me by surprise, brought me to my knees
When God ran

The day I left home, I knew I had broken his heart
I wondered then if things could ever be the same
Then one night, I remembered his love for me
And down that dusty road ahead I could see

I saw Him run to me
It caught me by surprise
Brought me to my knees
When God ran

He removed my burdens. Issues which bothered me no longer mattered anymore. I'm learning to put my hope in God because He is the only one who can heal and provide wholly. It is only through constant dependency on God that can bring about real joy and remove all pain. Praise the Lord!

Written by:
Ng Lijuan
Meijin’s 12